IPod me deaf, Please.

(gratituous M.Hannet pic)

It's been 3 whole days and I seriously think i'm going insane.

Day One:

Wow so this is what the world sounds like without my iPod, this is kinda nice. Senses are sharpened when you have all five attuned to the world.

"Cheer up love" my automatic reaction is to laugh in his face.

Do you realise how much of a cliche you are Mr Flourescent Jacket Builder man? Hmmm d'yah?

He looks stunned that I actually did what he asked.

Day Two:

I can hear my thoughts whilst i'm walking, shut up shut up shut up shut up. Inane chatter.

I slowly begin to realise I make the stupidest observations in my head which are not worth sharing. I take the back allys of Manchester as usual to get to where I want fast, avoiding the tourists.

"...Yeah i'm not to sure if I would wear BLACK AND WHITE polka dotted dress, although with them legs I wouldn't mind showing em off, 'ere love giz us a shmile, Go on"

Oh God yeah the drunkards that I normally walk past but manage to avoid hearing due to my trusty iPod.

Day Three:

Hmmm I wonder if I had the choice of being blind or deaf which I would choose. Blindness, I wouldn't ever want to go without music. (stupid headchatter stepped up a notch)

Avoiding all eye contact, starting to dress a bit (just a litttle) down, start walking with the masses. No music is seriously starting to effect my behaviour.

"Helllllooooo Sexceeeee" drawls a spotty teenager then rushes off laughing macho like with his friend. Oh God I just want to retch in your face mate.

Oh iPod, don't ever leave me again and I promise; to always keep you in the green.

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Confiance

Depuis longtemps je voulais vous mettre en peices

Comment peux-tu me regarder dans les yeux? Pourquoi ne vous sentez coupable?

Vous avez dit toujours et thats très longtemps

Je voulais vous poinçon jusqu'à ce que vous avez vu sens,

Maintenant, les gens vous demandent et je ne sais pas quoi répondre

I dont vous avez la réponse peut être que je n'étais pas assez bon, peut-être vous could't voir à quel point j'ai essayé.

Peut-être que je n'ai jamais eu un droit chance dès le départ.

Je ne serai jamais faire confiance à nouveau

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Challenge #2-Upper Respiratory Tract Infection

You begin to realise swiftly the people who genuinly care about you are, when you are ill.

After suffering a five hour journey back to Manchester with a pleb who kept coughing in my face, I went down. Dramatic exclamations like "Im dying! split my CD's between yourselves." are uttered to which my friends and family roll their eyes and snap "Shut up and drink the bloody medicine."

9.00am I ring in sick my Manager just replies "Well if your off sick more than three days you need to bring a sick note or else you don't get paid, you Need to bring it in." Evil Witch.

9.30am I can barely get out of bed, but manage to make myself presentable.

9.45am I stumble like a drunkard to the nearest doctors, become a 'temporary' patient.

10.00am Asma and I are falling about laughing like rejects at random things

10.30am Asma has a cigarette break

11.00am This is taking the piss; I ask the Receptionist how long? she says because i'm not registered I have to wait in the walk in queue.

11:30am Asma exclaims loudly "This is taking the mick, the NHS is a let down! is this what my tax money goes towards? I want my money back. Thats $26 I pay every month" much to everyone's amusement. The Receptionist frowns and I swear I get knocked back a few places.

12.00 I begin wondering if its not too late to call manager and work my shift instead. No I've waited this long and I refuse to leave thus Challenge #2 U.R.T.I is born.

12:30 "Taz Akhtar please make your way to Room 15" I shoot up shouting "Hallelujah!" running down the corridors before they change their mind.

12:45 "So you just wanted a sick note?" Says the mildly irratating Dr. Ngan. No shit Sherlock, I just waited hours to see your sunny features (irony: he has a face like a cafish). He starts a mock examination, which is so half hearted Asma and I start giggling when he starts using his stethascope to listen to my back.

1.00pm "I'm sure he made that last bit up, why does he need to listen to your spine?" I'm so happy I got the pictured sick note I want to frame it, I don't care if he listened to my Tailbone I still achieved what I set out to get.

Can't wait to show it off on Saturday now.

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What does all THIS mean?

...seriously though

What DOES it all mean? What is all this?

even when i'm drunk I ponder the strangest things.


bla·sé
adj.
1. Uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence.
2. Unconcerned; nonchalant: had a blasé attitude about housecleaning.
3. Very sophisticated.

We got a proposition for drugs in the club, this is not normal people.
I organised a gig with lots of bands for my sisters 18th birthday party and one of the bands playing where from the south, they started joking about drugs they'd been taking in between playing songs, real blasé.
The manager of the venue stopped them short and gave them a warning.
He wasn't having any of it. There were underage kids present.

It's not cool, you end up with bad skin, dodgy dancing techniques (the Karate Kid?! need I say more?)and an even worse attention span.

Alcohol on the other hand :D

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Penis Envy

Farha & I created this masterpeice at the Manchester Art Gallery, we like to express ourself and the theme was to create your own monster using magnetic items.
We decided to name this beauty 'Penis Envy' before running away in fits of giggles.
Yes I know...immature, but we are prone to acting like socially inept fucktards when left to our own devices. This is a Refined example of what we are normally like together. Good Times.

Besides, I think we did Proffessor Freud and my Sociology teacher (Hey Mrs Doodson!) quite proud.

Penis envy in Freudian psychoanalysis refers to the theorized reaction of a girl during her psychosexual development to the realization that she does not have a penis. Freud considered this realization a defining moment in the development of gender and sexual identity for women.

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Pervert

Seventh heaven
n.
1. A state of great joy and satisfaction.

2. A state of extreme happiness

I totally get why men think it's okay to gawp at women now

There's a Vogue party/conference at work tonight,

The most beautiful boy/men models were stood around my concession all in a group. I swear I stood openly perving on them... then one asked me where the reception area was, "I'll show you" I practically threw myself at them. One of them smirked.

I think I was a Little Obvious. Oh well. I was in Seventh Heaven.

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A Voyeuristic 95%.

My manager was looking at me rather queerly.

"Whats wrong? why are you acting weird?" Said I.

"Hmmm...well your not meant to know But you scored a 95% in your Mystery Shop" answered my Manager.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I can't stand my job but a part of me felt proud that I have managed to convince everyone I belong in a place like that. I'm a misfit, but so weird it's considered cool in my workplace, therefore acceptable.

Let me tell you what a Mystery Shop entails, points are scored if:

1. You have your name tag on
2. You are dressed to reflect the company
3. You approach the customer in a friendly manner as soon as they enter your mat.
4. You enquire about what they are shopping for.
5. Offer suggestions
6. Assist the customer throughout the transaction
7. Tell them about the returns policy (people are retarded and need reminding it's 14 days)
8. Say Farewell in a convincing manner. (acting sorrowfull to see them go)

There's more but I won't bore.

I Hate having people commenting on my weight, hair, youth, make-up and general appearance,because that is what I have to use to make people buy. Sometimes you just need to suck it up.

I Love making people feel special by listening to them and also dressing them up so they look beautiful. Everyone can look beautiful...in the right clothes.

To be quite honest sometimes i'm so bored getting paid to stand there like a lemon, I'll talk to anything so long as it moves, cat, dog, baby...my shadow.Anything.

I have mastered the Art of Smalltalk, and it shall come in handy in later life. (insert sarcasm here) Swell!


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